My Crazy World

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10 Years!

I can not believe it has been 10 years since I got married in the judges office in Elizabeth NJ court house. It is so crazy that the years have just flown by. I still feel like that young girl in love with this skinny gringo and I like the feeling.

Everyone gave us 6mths tops. Everyone told my parents that I would come running back to them in 6mths and leave my husband. Look at us now! We are still going strong 10 years later.

We went on a little anniversary trip to Universal Studios. We never go anywhere if it isn’t for Ariana or a family trip. We had a great little weekend away. I do not do any crazy roller coasters, no thank you, not for me, but I did do all the other rides. Harry Potter by far was the best one. It went from 3d screen to real things coming at you and back to 3d screen. WOW! It really felt like you were flying. We also had butter beer and it was yummy. It tasted just like cream soda! We also had our anniversary dinner at Margaritaville in city walk! OMG the food was sooooooo good. I had the drink called “5 O’clock Somewhere” and I was tipsy! HAHA!

I am young at heart and in my mind I’m still young but boy did that park remind me that I’m not. My legs and back were killing me. It felt like when I would go to the gym all the time. (Endless leg day!)

 

Here’s some fun pics!

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Update!

I am finally done with that horrible antibiotic. It was destroying my stomach and made me feel awful. But now I actually, finally, feel normal! So here starts the road to baby 2.

I have to go back to the doctor in April for a check up and if there is no baby by then, he will be giving me something to push the ovulation. AHHHH I’m nervous. My life could be completely different in a couple of weeks. Crazy to think about it.

Also March 2 will be my 10 year wedding anniversary. CRAZY! I can not believe its been 10 years! We are planning a little get a way but don’t know where yet. At first we thought Orlando but I don’t want to be at a park or standing in line all day haha. Also, the hubs only got 3 days off, so that’s not enough time and not worth the 4 hour drive. I, on the other hand, have a whole week off! I can’t wait for that lovely PTO!  I just want to relax. I am looking to see where we can go, Some beach somewhere,maybe!

Today was Sunday Clean Day! I spent too much money on air fresheners and cleaning supplies BUT my house smells GOOD and looks GOOD. That makes me happy! I washed all the bedding and even have new bedding! Excited for that!

Its so funny that now in my 30s the exciting part of my day is clean sheets! HAHAHA The joys of growing up!

 

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On My Way

So I finally had my biopsy done. I had to pay out of pocket but it’s over with. It was painful, I’m not gonna lie, but it answered questions. I do not have cancer and my insides are good to go. Right now I’m taking a very strong antibiotic, which is killing my stomach, and then I can try for number 2. If I can not conceive on my own the doctor will give me something.

I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I want a new baby and start a new chapter in my life but I’m scared of everything.

I do put up a front like I’m in control and everything is ok but I am human. I wonder how a new baby will impact everything. My number one worry is Ariana. I don’t want her to feel left out or jealous.

But this is my choice and I am sticking to it. I am ready, I think. Positive thoughts is all I want right now. No negativity in my life and if you are going to bring that to me I want you out!

I am stronger then I think I am and I know it will all be worth it in the end!

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Mean Girls

I was just reading my friend’s blog, Erin, about how words hurt. It took me way back to HS when everything was too dramatic and words hurt a lot.

I had this girl that was my “friend” and her words hurt the most. We were close and our families were close but one thing, she was an asshole to me. To top it off her mother joined in the fun. Back then there was no talk of bullies and at the time I thought it was just simple kidding around. By the time I reached HS I kinda realized she was being an asshole.

I remember a time that said “friend” and her mother came to pick me up to go to the movies. It was the 90s and we all wore colored jeans etc. Well I had on a green shirt and green shorts. (It was the style haha) As I got into the car they were both laughing their heads off and I, naturally, asked what was so funny. Her MOTHER answered, “She just said that you now really look like a booger.” As a mother now I would never laugh or even let my daughter get away with making fun of someone that was her friend.

There were plenty of times they would pick me up and when I got close to the car the MOTHER would move the car so I couldn’t open the door or lock the door. We were in dance class together and then later on went to the same HS. We had changed dance studios and her MOTHER said to everyone that I could not be in ballet class with her daughter because I was too fat.

Trust me said “friend” also had her fair share of making fun and pushing me around. Every chance she got she managed to make me look stupid. Also I could not say I wanted anything or do anything because she would just do it first. Example: Said “friend” had naturally curly hair and I had straight oily hair. Well my mom came up with the idea of me getting a perm to dry up the oil. Said “friend” went and got a perm first. Let me tell you, you couldn’t even notice a difference. She had to win and beat me in everything. These are so stupid things now that I think about it but as a child it hurt a lot.

In HS things got out of hand and she found out how I really felt and then it was over. She didn’t like the fact that I was making fun of her and called her mother a bitch. I kinda had a right. I did call other people a bitch but I was stupid and was just throwing that word around like I was a big person. The only thing I do not regret saying was how much her mother was a bitch! Making fun of her just gave me satisfaction and I do not care that I no longer have that toxic relationship in my life. She was a spoiled brat that had to make me look stupid to make herself feel better. I have my own reasons as to why but honestly its no excuse for the things that happened.

Because of her I lost a lot of friends and had to find myself new friends in HS. That sucked and the last 2 years of my HS experience sucked to be 100% honest. I considered switching schools but you know what I did not want her to “win”. I went to school everyday to crap but I did it with my head held up high. Senior year, in her Yearbook, her friend wrote above my head “Call me for a good time” and my private number that they copied from someone else’s yearbook. I had enough and told my dad. He called the principal and they made her scribble it out. I don’t care. I wish I could have just punched her in the face. I was so happy to leave that hell.

I kinda blame this for why I am so untrusting when it comes to “friends”. I have friends but I don’t really trust anyone. I don’t want to be hurt like that anymore. This bothers me to this day. I do not want to feel like this but I kinda can’t help it.

I don’t blame anyone but her and her mother. I have forgiven and let a lot go but her and her mother I will never forgive. I had such low self esteem and honestly felt so stupid and just used “shy” to cover it up.

Now I have a big guard up and come off as a bitch at times but I will never let anyone walk over me again. I have a daughter and I talk to her over and over about not letting people say things like to her. I would seriously go crazy if I ever heard someone talk bad about my child.

I don’t want anyone to ever feel the way I did. I am a much stronger person because of it but it sucked.

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Throw Back Thursday

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This was 10 years ago. My first date with my now husband. Too be this young again!

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Holidays Are Gone, Back To Normal

Well another Christmas has come and went, and it’s a new year.

Christmas went great! Ariana got what she really wanted and was super happy. I am so happy that I was able to give her the Christmas she wanted. We did last minute shopping but she was happy.

New Years was quiet as always. The husband was working and I was home with Ariana. Didn’t even make it to see the ball drop. I fell asleep on the couch and opened my eyes like 5 mins after. Oh well, there’s always next Dec.

This year I pray is great and brings to everyone happiness, love, joy, health, and money!

Then I got to see one of my good friends get married. It was so beautiful and lovely. We got to dress up and look fancy and watch a great couple start their life together.

So far it’s been a good year. I am also going to get my biopsy done next week. I will say I am scared and nervous. This will hopefully answer some questions I have had and hopefully (fingers crossed) start baby process.

I know this year will be great b/c I will make it great! Positivity is my goal and my whole year will be positive. If you can dream it you can achieve it.

This year I celebrate 10 years of marriage, turn 33, watch great people get married, close friend have her second baby, and it will be awesome!

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Ruined Step-Mom/Daughter Relationship

When I met my husband he did not lie or hide the fact that he was a young dad. He had kid and ex-wife. I wasn’t walking into this relationship blind.

When we got married I embraced being a step-mom but that was a challenge. I mean I’m not her real mom and, trust me, she didn’t let me forget it. I tried to do fun things with/for her but it was difficult. My husbands ex-wife is not an easy person to get along with. She quickly realized that her daughter liked me so it became her mission to make her daughter hate me. I became the evil person that broke up her family, even tho when I met my husband they hadn’t been together in over 6 years.

Then when I was pregnant it became worse. I don’t mean by my step-kid, I mean his ex. I was very aware of how this new baby would be a major change and not only for me, but for his child. We tried so hard to keep her involved and excited for her new sister, but her mother ruined it. First it started with how the unborn baby already stole her nickname. Now mind you the nickname was “baby girl”. I told her no it’s just that she’s a baby and a girl, it was not a nickname.

When I was 9 months pregnant, my husband made me go to his nephew’s bday party. I did not want to go. I was huge and tired and hot. (It was August and, again, I was 9 months pregnant). Plus I knew his ex was going to be there. It was his weekend and this was a Sunday so he had to take her back anyway. Yea I just did not want to go. Well his ex proceeded to say that I was going to have a boy because she had his daughter and no one else would have a girl by him. Then she goes to say that my unborn child would be born on her sons (not my husbands) bday because my unborn child was going to be spiteful just like me. Now, again, I was 9 months pregnant and there was no one around to hear this. I then made him leave and cried my eyes out in the car. Trust me when I say/type this, if I was not pregnant there would have been a fight.

Now after this mess I told my husband that I never wanted to see that woman again and thank god it has been 7 years and I have not seen her again. But that didn’t stop her from ruining me being a step-mom.

My step-daughter did not listen to me, she disrespected me and made up stories about me. But I don’t blame her, I blame her mother. One weekend when my husband was going to go pick her up, he received a phone call that shocked him. His ex called saying that his daughter would not be coming to our house because I told her that her mom was a bitch. Now at the time she was 10ish and I would never ever tell a child their mom was a bitch. That caused a fight. He knew I didn’t tell her that but he felt that she overheard me. I said its made up.

Then once my daughter was born it became worse. I tried so hard make her a part of everything but she was being fed a bunch of crap from her mother. She thought that my daughter was replacing her in her dad’s life. This made her super annoying and clingy. Again this is not her fault. She even made up stories about my daughter. How she cried all night and she couldn’t sleep because of the cry baby. This was not true at all. Even if my daughter would cry she wouldn’t have heard it. The rooms were very separated.

Now that we live far away from each other, we are getting a better relationship. We use Facebook and texts to talk and it’s good. It’s better this way. I believe we are working to a good relationship. This makes me happy, not just for myself, but for my husband and daughter.

Being a step parent is not easy at all and having an evil ex makes it that much harder. I wish I could have had a good relationship and been there for her when she really needed someone, but his ex robbed me of that.

As a mom I can see now that his ex was and still is very jealous. But it doesn’t justify ruining a step-mom/daughter relationship.

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Being Independent

When I lived with my parents, even at 21, I was under their thumb. I wasn’t allowed to have a car so I used my dads all the time. Then it was a million questions about why, where, and who. Then I had to be home at a certain time and if I wasn’t, my mom would be blowing up my cell. I mean she would call every 15 mins until I was outside the house. I wasn’t allowed to sleep over anyone’s house or go anywhere without one of them. My parents went to every class trip I had growing up. I mean even my first dates my mom was there. Also my room was right next to theirs so no privacy. It was so annoying! I wasn’t allowed to do a thing. All the over protection just made me feel like they didn’t trust me. I felt so trapped.

When I got married moved away it was a good thing. Yes I missed my family so much it hurt BUT I was independent! I finally was able to do what I wanted without being watched over. We did what we wanted when we wanted, it felt good. I’m not gonna lie. It was just me and him with nothing holding us down. I finally had my own car and was able to go wherever I wanted and stay out as long as I wanted. I really felt free. The first time that I went to a store past 10pm with my husband I didn’t know what to do with myself. The first time I went to the movies late it was great. Even being up on my computer in peace, without 20 million questions asking me what I was doing was great. Sounds so stupid but its true. I had never had that type of freedom before. I just loved the feeling of just the two of us doing whatever.

Now that I’m a mom I vow to never be that over protective. I just can’t do that to my daughter. I mean, I am still going to be a little over protective,but I will trust her. I will have rules but I will not call her every 15 minutes. Plus her dad will never let me be that crazy. He will be the voice of reason.

I believe a lot of my parents craziness was due to the fact I was their only daughter and the baby. Plus our culture. Being a Cuban woman means you are suppose to just agree and just go along with your parents or husband. Also my dad still lives in 1950 Cuba, so that doesn’t help.

I want my daughter to be independent but still know there are times she will need me. I hope I can find that balance.

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Throw Back Thursday

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My two Angels!

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Been All Over

I have missed you, my blog. I have been all over this week!

I have been working long hours and on my day off I have been taking my mother all over the world to Christmas shop.

I am still not even close to being done for Ariana. I actually have 2 gifts so far! This needs to change!

My garage door broke and I hate it that it did. I do not like parking outside and I miss my garage! Since I rent the landlord has to take care of it but she is in a physical rehab place so yea. I did let her know and she is working on it but I feel bad.

So since I have to park outside, last night there was a HUGE spider in my car. I saw it and almost died. I wanted to jump into the back seat so it couldn’t reach me. I hate spiders and this one looked mean. I screamed like a little baby and made my husband kill it. But this morning I was still looking for it and making sure it wasn’t there.

I am up for this promotion at work, well its not really a promotion but more like a change of position, and I am busting my butt to get it. It means more hours, more money, and more stress. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for it.

I skipped Throw Back Thursday this week because  the pic I was going to use made me sad. It is a pic of my grandma and my aunt that are now my angels. Hopefully I can bring myself to putting it up this week.

My mom has been decorating and it looks like Xmas puked on her house. She has a blow up Santa, 2 deers, and all sorts of lights. It’s nice but so crazy. I tell her that Xmas puked on her house and she gets mad at me. She says its for Ariana but I think it’s for her. I know the holidays are still extra hard on her so if it makes her happy then I’m happy.

My brother just recently got engaged and is upset with me that I didn’t congratulate him. Hmmm there’s a whole story behind that and I will save it for another post BUT sorry bro Congrats (I guess).

So yea my week has been a little crazy haha.

 

 

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