When I met my husband he did not lie or hide the fact that he was a young dad. He had kid and ex-wife. I wasn’t walking into this relationship blind.
When we got married I embraced being a step-mom but that was a challenge. I mean I’m not her real mom and, trust me, she didn’t let me forget it. I tried to do fun things with/for her but it was difficult. My husbands ex-wife is not an easy person to get along with. She quickly realized that her daughter liked me so it became her mission to make her daughter hate me. I became the evil person that broke up her family, even tho when I met my husband they hadn’t been together in over 6 years.
Then when I was pregnant it became worse. I don’t mean by my step-kid, I mean his ex. I was very aware of how this new baby would be a major change and not only for me, but for his child. We tried so hard to keep her involved and excited for her new sister, but her mother ruined it. First it started with how the unborn baby already stole her nickname. Now mind you the nickname was “baby girl”. I told her no it’s just that she’s a baby and a girl, it was not a nickname.
When I was 9 months pregnant, my husband made me go to his nephew’s bday party. I did not want to go. I was huge and tired and hot. (It was August and, again, I was 9 months pregnant). Plus I knew his ex was going to be there. It was his weekend and this was a Sunday so he had to take her back anyway. Yea I just did not want to go. Well his ex proceeded to say that I was going to have a boy because she had his daughter and no one else would have a girl by him. Then she goes to say that my unborn child would be born on her sons (not my husbands) bday because my unborn child was going to be spiteful just like me. Now, again, I was 9 months pregnant and there was no one around to hear this. I then made him leave and cried my eyes out in the car. Trust me when I say/type this, if I was not pregnant there would have been a fight.
Now after this mess I told my husband that I never wanted to see that woman again and thank god it has been 7 years and I have not seen her again. But that didn’t stop her from ruining me being a step-mom.
My step-daughter did not listen to me, she disrespected me and made up stories about me. But I don’t blame her, I blame her mother. One weekend when my husband was going to go pick her up, he received a phone call that shocked him. His ex called saying that his daughter would not be coming to our house because I told her that her mom was a bitch. Now at the time she was 10ish and I would never ever tell a child their mom was a bitch. That caused a fight. He knew I didn’t tell her that but he felt that she overheard me. I said its made up.
Then once my daughter was born it became worse. I tried so hard make her a part of everything but she was being fed a bunch of crap from her mother. She thought that my daughter was replacing her in her dad’s life. This made her super annoying and clingy. Again this is not her fault. She even made up stories about my daughter. How she cried all night and she couldn’t sleep because of the cry baby. This was not true at all. Even if my daughter would cry she wouldn’t have heard it. The rooms were very separated.
Now that we live far away from each other, we are getting a better relationship. We use Facebook and texts to talk and it’s good. It’s better this way. I believe we are working to a good relationship. This makes me happy, not just for myself, but for my husband and daughter.
Being a step parent is not easy at all and having an evil ex makes it that much harder. I wish I could have had a good relationship and been there for her when she really needed someone, but his ex robbed me of that.
As a mom I can see now that his ex was and still is very jealous. But it doesn’t justify ruining a step-mom/daughter relationship.